[CBFF] An end to garbage time

[mom2iancal]

An end to garbage time 

Mike Downey 
In the wake of the news 

December 3, 2006 

On today's "Dr. Mike," our topic is trash talk. Why you do it, how you hurt 
people and what's the best way to quit. 

We invited a number of NFL stars to join us and open up about their true 
feelings. 

"Grossman was running his mouth. … In 10 years in the league, I haven't had 
a quarterback do that anytime to me." 

Darren Sharper, Vikings defensive back 

"They were just yapping. … I threw the interception for the touchdown, and 
Dwight Smith came up and smacked me on the helmet and was in my face." 

Rex Grossman, Bears quarterback 

"I don't remember that. I probably said 'thank you' or something." 

Dwight Smith, Vikings defensive back 

"Rex can talk all he wants. Anyone on the field can talk when they want." 

Olin Kreutz, Bears center 

Thank you, gentlemen. 

Let's begin by talking about that game you played Sept. 24 at the Hubert H. 
Humphrey Metrodome. 

And as some of you may not know, Hubert always did enjoy a great debate. 

OK. Darren, if I understand you correctly, you're upset because Rex here, if 
I may quote you, "kind of was beating his chest, talking trash." 

(Studio audience boos.) 

Rex, you admit that you said a few things you now regret. But you also were 
man enough to stand up and say, "I'm sorry, Darren Sharper." 

(Audience applauds.) 

Dwight, you told a Twin Cities reporter you have been trash-talking for as 
long as you have been playing football. Since you were 6 or 7 years old, is 
that right? 

(Camera zooms in on concerned parents in audience.) 

Olin, you told Chicago's media—let me read from this transcript here—ah, 
here it is: "I've been here nine years, and everybody's always talking tough in 
the media and there are never any fights. That's something I'm tired of. So 
if you're going to talk tough, go fight somebody." 

(Audience goes: "Ooooh.") 

Very interesting. 

OK, who would like to go first? I mean, you gentlemen need to square off 
against each other Sunday at Soldier Field, and do we really want any trouble? 
Because I don't think Soldier Field should be a place for fighting! 

(Audience cheers.) 

Let's discuss trash talk in general, shall we? First off, can't your team be 
penalized 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct? 

Because frankly, gentlemen, I think what America's fans want from you is 
sportsmanlike conduct! 

(Audience claps.) 

For example, isn't it true that when the quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons 
walked off a field last week, he flipped a finger to the crowd? 

(Boos, whistles.) 

The only finger we want to see at a football game is one of those big, 
foamed-rubber ones that say, "We're No. 1!" 

(The players nod.) 

Now, then … this is for you Vikings. 

If I were, say, a Chicago football player—or better yet, a Chicago football 
fan—and I was going to go to Sunday's game, do you know how I would 
trash-talk you? 

(Vikings shake their heads.) 

I would say, "Hey, been on any Love Boats lately?" After all, wasn't it a 
boatload of you Vikings who got caught having a wild sex party on a lake? 

(Audience goes: "Ooooh.") 

Or I would say, "Hey, used a Whizzinator lately?" After all, wasn't it a 
Viking who got caught with a device meant to help him beat a drug test? 

(Audience laughs.) 

Or I would say, "Hey, moon anybody lately?" After all, wasn't it a Viking a 
couple years ago who pretended to moon Green Bay fans after a touchdown pass? 

(More laughs.) 

Or I would say, "Hey, scalp any tickets lately?" After all, wasn't it a 
Vikings coach who got fined $100,000 for trying to scalp tickets to a Super Bowl? 


(Continued laughs.) 

Or I would say, "Hey, been punched in the face lately?" After all, wasn't it 
a Viking who just last week went to a "Sharperalooza" show sponsored by 
Darren here and got socked right in the face by a security guard? 

(Big, big laughs.) 

Gentlemen, I implore you. Go out there Sunday and have a good game of 
football. Block and tackle as hard as you know how. 

But otherwise, be on your best behavior. 

Trash talk is unnecessary. Fighting is unnecessary. Finger-flipping is 
unnecessary. Am I right, audience? 

(Standing ovation.) 

OK. You boys go out there now and play nice. 

_mikedowney at tribune.com_ (mailto:mikedowney at tribune.com) 

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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